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  • Friday, April 10, 2009

    A New Bandwagon

    One More Lovely Diversion
    It'll Turn Around The Economy!
    or . . . just talk the talk
    .. Time was that a brown line had something to do with underwear. No longer is that the only case. When the Wall Street Journal writes about it you know it's part of mainstream America. And, Martha, when it only takes two days for the Evil Conservative Radio to pick it up from the WSJ you know that permeation into the society at large has been completed.
    .. Unbeknown to the staff of the WSJ an economic revolution is upon us. It's here and now and, growing like tadpoles in a sewer.
    .. Fly fishers for trout are a cliquish bunch. Occasionally, they trend toward imperiousness and snottiness: yet they are easily led to joining "the right" organizations, trends, and movements. Most of them never drowned a worm and never met a bandwagon that they didn't like. Sign 'em up; there's enough spare change to go around.
    .. "Catch & Release?" woot! woot! - the salvation of the fly fishing experience. Sign us up, make it our religion, practice it without thinking; everywhere, all the time. Any trout is too noble to be tortured only once.
    .. "Barbless Hooks?" RIGHT ON! Damn the stiletto effect, forget the deep, infected wounds and marble-sized cysts, trout look tough with infected scars on their chin.
    .. "Deep Wading?" YOU got it! To hell with the redds and the next generation of fish. To hell with the trout that just vacated the hole our boots filled with silt. Trout don't care where they park.
    .. Not only do we join quickly enough to transform trends into movements. We staunchly defend the movement as God's own truth against the scoffers and critics.
    .. Vile terms spew from the lips of gentle sportsmen like the vitriol of an impassioned preacher. We damn the unrepentant. We damn the heretics and unbelievers. "Send them to hell." "May they rot in a worm-ridden & lead lined purgatory."
    .. Now, [fanfare,] it's the "Brown Line," (or, Brownlining, or Brownliners or Brownliner's, - if you choose.) It's a bandwagon that has run afoul of the "Name-It-And-Nail-It" syndrome. Got a handle for it now? Good; it's a trend!
    .. Of course any fly fisher worth their felt soled waders has been doing it for decades. Just ask them. And, of course, Mildred, they just never talked about it before it became popular.
    .. They probably, in fact, spent most of their fishing time with their buddies on the glory waters a bit farther from home than the nearest culvert or storm drain. They most assuredly never fished too far from the last place on the rutted road that their shiny sedan could crawl to.
    .. Back in those days there was a piscatorial rule:
    "The quality of fishing is directly proportional to the distance traveled from home."

    .. Aah, Matilda, the times - they are a changing. Gainful employment will have to be found in other quarters.
    .. The dusty and cluttered aisles of feather merchants are now filled with whispers of favorite ditches. This sells maps.
    .. Small tributaries are hot topics of conversation. Itty bitty bits of water loom large in the psyche of fishers. Hidden culverts become destinations of choice. The movement is here now, and thriving. It is generating an unstoppable economic pressure.
    .. Soon the movement will be adopted by the huddled masses in their search for meaning. Popular culture will adopt the movement and it will become the fishing discipline of choice.
    .. Hoards of unwashed picadors will extol the virtues of "little water." They will create the buzz that drives a consumer economy.
    Wall Mart and Shakespeare will team up to provide "The Brownline Fishing Kit." This will sell in the millions and create demand for additional products.
    .. The expansion of the movement into the realms of religion should not be far behind. And, Mareah dear, the joiners will be legion. Worship will be held in temples of masonry and concrete. Of necessity, remodeling for the new sanctuaries will provide many more jobs.
    .. Saturdays and Fridays and Sundays will be spent worshiping at the alter of sludge and tiny trickles. Trek to your temple and sing hosanna. Burn some gas and stimulate spending.
    .. As the movement gathers steam the fishing community will have to expand it's profile. It will claim new and innovative methods and techniques.
    .. The return of novelties such as the one-weight will thoroughly astound rod manufacturers. Production of the "Browners" will be accelerated and jobs, along with wealth, will be created.
    .. Demand for information and entertainment will explode at such a rapid pace that the "Economic Downturn" will be slowed. The lips of grocery clerks and taxi drivers will will be filled with the praises of the "Brownline Revolution."
    .. First, Magdalena, there will be YouTube videos. Then there will be touring feature length films. The bandwagon will roll through your neighborhood and gather up your shekels for a few moments of vicarious pleasure, (you will attend - everyone else does.) And, Martinella, joss will flow and coin will be rattled. The boom will be on.
    .. Certainly, Myrna, there will be new attractions in Florida, California, and Texas. It won"t take long before "The Mouse" finds a way to capitalize on the movement. Discretionary funds will begin to reappear in the lint filled pockets of hard working Americans.
    .. Gear manufacturers will produce entire new lines of trendy clothing and accouterments for you to purchase. You can don the uniform and stroll through the mall -- the neighbors will be green. They will then spend their green to keep up with you.
    .. There will be a lag in literature. There always is. The literati will survey the situation and ponder the meaning of the frenzy and it's implications.
    .. Bloggers will be the first to publish. Each will claim that they were "Browning before Browning was cool." They will feast in the new and unexploited pasture of opportunity. Posts will proliferate like pollen in the spring.
    .. Inevitably, however, Maxine, there will be a legitimate published prose. It will flow like brown lines into the obscure landscape of the revitalized economy.
    .. There is no way a person can be a 'true' fly fisher, (let alone a Brownliner,) without an enormous body of literature to fawn over and criticize. Of course the development of this literature will take time and provide many jobs.
    .. The first of the works will be simple knockoffs for profit. You can easily imagine the titles and content of the first dozen or so works:
    • "A Sewer Runs Through It,"
    • "The Brownliner's Guide To The Upper Sac,"
    • "My Life As A Brownliner,"
    • "The Old Man And His Brownline"
    • "Brownliner's Paradise"
    • "Fly Fishing The Brownline" . . . etc.
    .. Soon after the exploitation movement in literature will come the "studied prose period." These works will include titles like: "A Thinking Man's Guide To Brownlining," & "The Brownliner's Handbook." Others will probably sound like: "My Salvation is the Brownline," & "Reveries Upon A Secluded Brownline."
    .. As the intelligentsia catches up with popular culture a mature literature in the field will develop. Courses in elementary schools and colleges will proliferate. Children will want to "Grow-Up to be Brownliners." New curriculum specialists will be needed to integrate the movement into the existing course of study.
    .. Montana State University will initiate courses in: "The Economics Of Brownling," "Social Implications of the Brownline Movement," (again, nothing to do with underwear,) The Meaning Of Brownlines," "Applied Brownlining," and the highly predictable course - "Brownlining 101."
    .. Debates, discussions, arguments, and wars, (all economic stimulants,) will be spawned by the Brownline Movement.
    .. Where was it born? What is "TRUE" Brownlining. Where's the best Brownlining? Who's the best Brownliner? And since opinions are like brown lines, (everyone has one,) there will be much time and effort and money spent defending the "correct" position, (more economic stimulus.)
    .. Graduate Brownliners will be in demand as guides and speakers. Feather fluffer's and importers will develop new fly patterns and export the manufacture of them to Indonesia and Africa.
    .. Economic growth will surround the world as the American innovations are adopted by the rest of mankind. Joy will return to the fisher's epitome and all will be good again. The economic recovery will be a wonder for all to behold.
    And more elbow room on the Firehole River.