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  • Wednesday, April 29, 2009

    Fishing Essentials

    Let Critters Beware
    zap or repel ?
    .. The usual visitor to Yellowstone National Park, (fishers included,) gets no more than about 200 yards from the road, (or front country trail.)
    .. It's been estimated that 98% of visitors enjoy about 2% of the splendor of Yellowstone. So be it. If, on the other hand, you fish where the biting, crawling, buzzing, irritating insects throng to greet you, (like Slough Creek, The Thorofare, Bechler River, Boundry Creek, etc.): You need these essential pieces of gear.
    .. Get a stylish, floppy, unobtrusive, insect-repelling-hat for fishing. Make sure it has a lifetime guarantee and has bonded-in the odorless EPA-registered insect repellent permethrin.
    .. This fine hat will maintain its effective repellent power through 70 washings. Knowing the way fly folk worship their hats that should be about 11 lifetimes.
    .. Here is an accessory that will keep the critters out of your nose and eyes and ears. It will be the envy of all your buds and budettes.
    .. The hat is available from HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER and will only set you back $79.95 + $16.95 shipping and handling. That's only 1/10 of what you just paid for the latest soooper rod, not counting it's heavily padded travel case.
    .. So you're getting on a horse and riding to that legendary Yellowstone stream where the trout jump into your waders, yes you are! You planned for two years and depleted your children's inheritance. This will be glorious.
    .. The outfitter has promised you that there is no limit on the gear that you can bring. The list of essential items includes 40 pounds of various insect deterrents, such as: OFF, CUTTER'S, CREAMS & SALVES, NETTING, etc.
    .. You can surprise your outfitter by suggesting that solar powered bug zappers should be included. This will make those evenings by the campfire so much more enjoyable.
    .. The 300 volt "ZAP" will kill over 200 varieties of insects. Eight hours of moderate sunlight will fully charge the internal batteries. And with the flick of a switch you can have an attractive night light to guide you back to your bear-proof Marmot rain tent.
    .. A set of four of these murderous devils, with a lifetime guarantee will only cost you $99.95 + $16.95 shipping and handling. Get them too, at HAMMACHER SCHLEMMER.
    .. A not very well known WMD program has been unveiled by the WSJ. Weapons specialists and ghoulish scientists have just about completed operational lasers that will kill mosquitoes.
    .. These WEAPONS of MOSQUITO DESTRUCTION are selective and effective. This outgrowth of the STAR WARS initiative from the Reagan Administration promises to be a boon to fly fishers and malaria fighters everywhere.
    .. Soon you will need a gear belt with holsters for both bear spray and a mosquito laser pistol for fishing in Yellowstone.
    .. The lasers are not yet developed to the point where they are available to the general fishing population. We expect that it won't be too long before Orvis and Patagonia develop their own versions; after all, you can make one from items on eBay, (#1, #2.)
    .. The current prototypes are selective and won't hurt a butterfly and are accurate from about 100 feet away. Yes, Melinda, this will move fly fishing into the realm of rocket science.We don't make this stuff up, (#1, #2, #3, #4.)
    .. We're waiting for a gear review from the folks near Mt. Shasta. Tom at the TROUT UNDERGROUND is a gear-head and this is right up his brownline. Let's see you get one of these to test!
    .. Well, yesterday's snow is melting and swelling the already full rivers on the West Side of Yellowstone. We're going back for a second quart of coffee and a light breakfast.
    .. About a pound of ham slices, some scrambled eggs, toast, and mushrooms sauteed in butter. We'll have the last quart of buttermilk and wash it down with some fresh coffee. It should get us through to noon or so.
    .. With all apologies to Tom & Alice at the Cutbow Fly Company, our version sets better in the gut than does yours.