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  • Saturday, February 18, 2017

    How's Your Left Lean ?

    We Are Responsible
    no problem at all
    .. Good ol' Twisty Kasterman grew up in the slovenly tenements of New York City. His family kept moving in an effort to avoid rent and find some hot running water. They also wanted their own bathroom.
    .. Twisty became adept at simplifying his life. He tried to keep things to a bare minimum: two pair of underwear, two pair of socks, one pair of shoes, one coat, one hat, stolen bicycles, pilfered candy bars, no real friends, lots of acquaintances for couch surfing, and other parsimonious behaviors and, certainly, the mindset that goes with them.
    .. He came to believe that a loud voice and, some pushing and, shoving and, punching and, kicking and, cheating and, lying and, cajoling were the best ways to get through life and school.
    .. He grew up and became known in the neighborhood as a success. He decided to become a truck driver. He badgered all his family and acquaintances for money to buy a truck. The "loans" were never repaid.
    .. He bought a ratty old pickup truck. He started to collect street-trash in his neighborhood. He coerced local residents to pay him for trash and debris collection. He used familiar strong-arm techniques. He prospered.
    .. He expanded. He hired local thugs and immigrants as employees. He appropriated more trucks by various means.
    .. Soon he had monopolized the street-trash collection business.
    .. He sued the City of New York for impinging on his business with their paid city trash collection service.
    .. He claimed that city employees and contractors were really just bogus hoods that were overpaid and that the city was wasting money on the unnecessary service.
    .. He won the case with an out of court settlement that was touted in the newspapers as a victory for the residents of the city.
    .. He loved the press reports from the reporters that he had taken to dinner in New Jersey.
    .. The citizens, that saw their trash collection become degraded to the point of criminality, were outraged.
    "I will clean up Mexico"
    .. Twisty ignored the outcry. He expanded to other cities, states, and even foreign countries. He vowed to clean up Mexico and all of Europe including Ukraine.
    .. As Twisty moved through life he gathered up all the accoutrements of success.
    .. He practiced serial monogamy with a series of conventionally 'pretty' baby-brides. He impregnated them and moved on. He coddled the various children from the unions with high paying pseudo jobs in his trashy organization.
    .. Twisty joined and bought country clubs. He acquired many cars, houses, airplanes, and a chorus of sycophants. All those who came in contact with Twisty begged for jobs and sought to bask in the radioactive glow of the trashy executive.
    .. As age crept into the bombast, Twisty decided to move into politics.
    .. He had exhausted the trashy avenues that got him to where he was.
    .. He bought Texas hunting preserves: he does not hunt.
    .. He bought large plots of western lands in Nevada, Washington, Wyoming, Montana, and Idaho. He even bought scenic golf courses. He had never been west of Philadelphia.
    .. He used these holdings to legitimize his political activity in each of the states. He placed loyal followers on committees, boards, and commissions.
    .. He contributed enormous sums of money to various political causes, individual trashy entrepreneurs, and campaigns.
    .. In Idaho, Wyoming, and Montana his camp followers included a disproportionate number of fly fishers. This caught the attention of the Twisty organization staff.
    .. Twisty then became interested in the commercial possibilities of this and, other outdoor pastimes. He jumped in with both feet - shod in shark skin Western boots.
    Courtesy Fishing For History
    .. He launched a clothing line. He bought water slides, shopping malls, sporting goods stores, and gun shops.
    .. However, Twisty had some problems with his attempted entry into the fly fishing world.
    .. He just couldn't comprehend the maze of fishing regulations, the various types of rods and reels, the different water types, the different fish species, and the multitude of fly patterns.
    .. His interest was piqued. Twisty decided to fix fly fishing. He would make it conform to his simple view of the world of trash.
    .. He saw the opportunity for both pecuniary advancement of his wealth and a chance to shine as the savior to the supposed millions of other befuddled fly fishers.
    .. After all if he was twisticated over the industry and pastime so would others be. He knew he was right.
    .. He entered political fly fishing by joining several trade organizations and a slew of trout and bass clubs. He waited and watched.
    .. He decided to enter the highest level of the industry. He ran for president of the "SYNDICATED FEDERATION OF AMALGAMATED FISHERS AND INDUSTRIAL MOGULS."
    .. Using his childhood tactics of shout and lie he won the presidency.  He had no experience whatsoever with fly fishing.
    .. He promised to get rid of all the fake flies and institute a single selection of just two flies.
    .. That was a promise that resonated with most of the common fly fishers. They cheered him!
    .. Twisty vowed to remove the taxes on fishing gear and return the market to the fishers. Fishers ignorant of where the taxes went just loved this possibility.
    .. One of his major promises was to remove the supposed unnecessary regulations about sizes, numbers, places, seasons,  and releases that plague 'real' fishers across the country.
    .. Fish fryers and smokers grinned with glee. Poachers shed their stealth and guilt.
    .. His campaign slogan that was most effective was: "MAKE FLY FISHING SIMPLE AGAIN."
    .. The major point that won the day in his election campaign centered on foreign fishers. Foreign fishers are viewed as interlopers that can make fishing hazardous and less productive for resident fishers.
    .. He promised to enact laws and regulations that would only allow fishing in the home state of the person doing the fishing.
    .. He promised to expand wardens in each state to guarantee that only locals could fish in their own waters.
    .. He even suggested that walls be built around all streams and rivers and lakes.
    .. He also thinks that all of the western states should build and pay for the walls to keep out foreign fishers.
    ..Twisty encountered some resistance from vested interests that he enumerated as: "Conservation Organizations," "Green Retailers," "Tackle Manufacturers," "Importers of Foreign Flies," and guided fishing trips.
    .. His staff suggested that it would be a good idea if Twisty went fly fishing. He tried to hire a guide to show him how.
    .. He never got to fish. He complained that he couldn't find a guide that lived all year in the state where he wanted to fish. He wouldn't pay for foreign guides.
    .. "Those foreign flies are also taking jobs away from American workers," railed Twisty. "We should put a 50% tax on them."
    "Why are they still selling hand tied flies? Can't American Technology overcome this?" He querried his cheering throngs.
    .. Twisty promised tax credits for development of machine tied flies - there will be just two of them. He intimated that it would behoove manufacturers to limit their rod and reel offerings. Reducing imported junk was his rationale for this suggestion.
    .. "Those 'green' retailers use foreign goods, made with sweatshop labor -tax them too  - more loss of American Jobs," Twisty pointed out.
    .. A major selling point for the election of Twisty Kasterman was his position that; so called conservation organizations hinder free choice in fly fishing. "Their mentality wants to stop all fishing," he says.
    .. He claimed that commercial fish processing plants adjacent to catching sites are more economical, profitable, and environmentally correct. He believes that the fish not needed by fishers could be sold to the plants for a profit.
    .. He noted that the industrial byproducts from the plants could easily be dumped in the rivers that the fish came from.
    .. Twisty thinks that commercial processing of Asian Carp in Alton, Illinois will be both economical, lucrative and, would add to the nutrient content of the Illinois River and the Mississippi River. He believes that it might even improve the air quality in Saint Louis, Missouri.
    .. So far, Kasterman has only started his reforms of the fly fishing milieu. His supporters are absolutely ebullient. They are already boycotting foreign flies and fishing wherever they choose. They have held rallies to protest all the fake flies beyond the two authorized flies. They are boycotting fly shops without full time year-round guides. The "SYNDICATED FEDERATION OF AMALGAMATED FISHERS AND INDUSTRIAL MOGULS" believe that they are the voice of all fly fishers. Twisty Kasterman believes this too.
    .. We are holding our opinion on this series of events, promises, and recreational impacts. Those people that voted for good ol' Twisty Kasterman are soiling their shorts with ecstatic glee. We wonder how they will feel in four years.
    .. It's overcast and warm with a few flakes if you look close. We should forego the nap, have some food, and fish a spell this afternoon.